I’m getting tired of the life i’m currently living, the lack of courage to pursue my license. The majority of interactions between me and my Father, the cancerous effect he’s having on me mentally.
It’s all becoming too much.
I’ve been finding myself thinking about doing stuff more than actually doing lately, seems to be a pretty bad case of it too. I’m thinking I’m just mentally overwhelmed at what I wanna do right now.
“Do I wanna play this game? Well if I do then I should probably take notes and construct a review after I complete it. Oh wait, I can only play for a few hours before I have to go to sleep after work and then I prepare after I wake up to go to work which doesn’t leave me any time. Alright let’s try to go to sleep when I get home leaving me more time in the afternoon.. shit I don’t get tired until 1PM or 2PM! Alright let’s just play games for fun! Fuck, I’m more complicated than that! Simple completion isn’t enough to ease my other side. I need to formulate my thoughts after completing something to full let it go.”
My basic though process is getting pretty ridiculous. I’ve been thinking about doing shorter “in the moment” videos about my thoughts on the game I just played through but usually stuff comes up and I still suck at really getting my point across.
Also my HD Capturing device only supports Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 which kinda sucks since I wanted to record some older stuff too.
“oh wait my computer already has a standard video capturing device! Shit I don’t have a TV with input and output, guess I need to buy some splitter cables. wait a minute I don’t have a TV, just a PC monitor that uses HDMI!!!! fuck maybe i’ll buy a HDMI to Composite and Component”
So much shit I want to do but but feels like no time to do it in.
So I just finished Steins;Gate
I think Frank West said it best. FANTASTIC
It really is a fantastic anime! It’s been a while since an anime has hooked me but damn did this one get me.
I’ll admit it, the first.. i think two? Episodes we’re kinda slow but shit… GREEN JELLO
Basically the story is about a self proclaimed “Mad Scientist” and his lab members trying to get a time up and running, while learning how time works. It’s really neat.
Later in the story a certain event requires the main character to jump between parallel universes and changing events which takes it in a really weird direction.
I had no questions by the end.
Music is good. voice acting in both versions is great.
Characters are all pretty awesome. Some really sad moments.
A main character that doubts himself on a psychological level.
The only thing that I would really consider a dislike is that Funimation, (once again) loves not releasing complete collection right away. So we have Volume 1 which is 12 episodes long and a Blu Ray/DVD combo but it’s like $40… It pains me to do so but I’ll just wait for the complete collection.
Ultimately in the end Steins;Gate was a really interesting well done anime, definitely worth checking out if you like deeper stories!
It’s Sasuke in 3D!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!! I wish T.T
AKA: Noctis from final fantasy xiii versus. Credit to http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&forumpath=community%2Fprojects§ion=&global=1&q=naruto+final+fantasy+xiii+versus#/d3kld2l
Why is it that my Father and Brother lack motivation and live the way they do?!
My Brother shows little sign that he thinks about life at all. All he does is sit around the computer or TV with food and complaining about stuff. Doesn’t help clean very often and just is generally always in a bad mood. Come on, you’re 25 get shit together before you can’t!
And my Dad.. He doesn’t take care of things when he should be.
His teeth are all almost gone and always says “One of these days I’ll call up the dentist and get an appointment set up”. But of course, this has been happening since I was a young one. On top of that he’s been disabled due to knee injury nearing almost ten years now.
I don’t full understand the situation but basically he’s not allowed to work until they do his knee replacement surgery when he turns fifty five.. at least that’s what he’s been saying this whole time. Recently they told him they could do it whenever but he’s gonna wait a little longer, though he still tells everyone “Fuckin damn government won’t let me work til this surgery, then they’ll never stop me from working til i drop dead!”.
It’s unfortunate and painful but the way he lives, he won’t be around when I’m old like everyone wants their parent to be.
I really just want these guys to step up.
I did, it should be their turn.
I’m always hearing from my Dad
“if your brother doesn’t start helping out around the house or get a job soon, he can go live with your mother”.
But in reality. He doesn’t do much besides pay the bills unfortunately.
I’m getting tired of coming home to a dirty house with dishes everywhere.
Cat vomit and food all over the place.
Living room still not organized or cleaned.
Trash that’s overflowing.
Their soda cans and bottles bag over flowing.
Their laundry thrown on the bathroom floor, turning into piles.
(The washer is a foot outside of the bathroom…)
Now I was thinking maybe it’s just my ego kicking in to play and feeling superior, but no. This is pure disgusting! You can’t tell them to do shit because they will not do it.
My Dad will do them days after I ask. We both ask my Brother to do the laundry and dishes but of course he uses the excuse
“Dad doesn’t like the way i do them”.
Come the fuck on people
You’ve been hyping up the moment when we’re all adults and working since I’ve been ten and now that it’s here, you’re too lazy and lacking common sense to do anything?
”We’ll live like kings”
Work has started to look about right again, but some of this family bullshit is starting to take it’s tole.
The brother isn’t paying what he should be out of his paycheck, where as that’s my first spend on a new check, goes straight to my father. Don’t understand why paying what I pay is so troubling since I’m getting paid LESS than him.
He was saying today that since he doesn’t have an official ID, just a sheriff ID, he can’t withdraw money right away. I’m not sure about that since I use a different bank but I’ve never had to show my ID there.
Then my father gets into this mode where he’ll try to get a rise out of the my brother and since my brother has low to no common sense, he’ll argue back! Which of course causes my father to pull out the ole’ “I pay for you, don’t use an attitude with me!”. It’s like don’t start shit then, be the bigger person, he’s your son!
I don’t really know what to do since they show no signs of changing.
Just have to deal with it or walk away when shit starts, no point in me contributing anything when they’re both blind.
Just got off my last “normal” shift before I’m moved over into night cashier, fuck.
It’s always one these deciding moments that cause me to freak out.
First I get upset, then I get afraid. And like I did with my GED, i try to
work up enough strength to move forward towards a minor advancement.
So many things being mixed around mentally this week.
One friend keeps telling me I should get out of there and find a more comfortable job. Another tells me to just ask the union and management
if i can stay in my current role. Parents are saying to give it a try, it’s another skill set.
Personally, I know I need to give it a month at the very least. It’s one of my life goals I guess you could say, to have as many skills as possible before I die.
I could understand if this was just a simple task and I was confidently trained but, i just feel like I’m not ready yet. My trainer gave me a lot of knowledge on how to deal with things but didn’t really give me any experience, which wasn’t right because she was supposed to test me on it.
Well at least that’s what she told me going into it.
In reality I know i’ll be fine since there’s many possibilities always running through my weak being, but letting myself and other people down is one of my biggest fears.
I don’t know what will happen tonight but all I can hope is I don’t mess up to badly and I can relax on my two days off starting tomorrow.
Not sure how i should really be feeling about this but ultimately, I’m nervous.
I started my job as a night stock member, but they’ve always mentioned “hey do you wanna be a night cashier or in bakery?” and I’ve always told them, I’m content where I am, maybe in the future. Well that didn’t stop them.
It all goes back to probably three weeks ago when the night boss told me I wasn’t cutting it and said I’d be probably be transferred over to night cashier or bakery, without giving me many details of course. I soon found out by talking to the assistant that I was doing perfectly fine, he was surprised that the night boss would even say something like that.
Well, the other night I go in to clock into my shift and the day manager is in there. I greet him like normally and he mentions something.
“So Ryan, I guess we’re gonna be training you on register pretty soon?”
Uh.. am i?
“Yup our night cashier quit before you started and the day staff doesn’t like taking the night shift so we need a full night time cashier.”
Oh. How long am I going to be doing this for, temporary or until someone gets hired?
“It’s looking like you’ll be working between stock and register so you’ll keep your old job, just have more skills for the store. We’re cross-training everyone.”
Alright sounds like a plan.
But what the fuck.. I didn’t sign up for register, man! I wanted the job where I’m actually active and not farting around up front while standing around waiting for the few customers that we get at night.
I go in the other night and an hour into my shift one of the upper people find me and tell me it’s time for training, out of nowhere. So we do this what seems fairly complicated basic introduction to register training over the course of an hour and I’m still pretty lost. We finish and she tells me to get ready for Thursday where I’ll get the rest of my training.
I’m fucking nervous. It’s even effected my sleep which hasn’t happened in a long time! My mind can’t get off the topic of messing up and just failing myself and the store.. It’s a horrible feeling.
So I prepare for what may be my last week at the store