The Life of Frazzleberry

Disgust

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 15:42:58 -0500

I’m getting tired of the life i’m currently living, the lack of courage to pursue my license. The majority of interactions between me and my Father, the cancerous effect he’s having on me mentally.

It’s all becoming too much.

Blog #15: Path

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 11:48:28 -0500

I’ve been finding myself thinking about doing stuff more than actually doing lately, seems to be a pretty bad case of it too. I’m thinking I’m just mentally overwhelmed at what I wanna do right now.

“Do I wanna play this game? Well if I do then I should probably take notes and construct a review after I complete it. Oh wait, I can only play for a few hours before I have to go to sleep after work and then I prepare after I wake up to go to work which doesn’t leave me any time. Alright let’s try to go to sleep when I get home leaving me more time in the afternoon.. shit I don’t get tired until 1PM or 2PM! Alright let’s just play games for fun! Fuck, I’m more complicated than that! Simple completion isn’t enough to ease my other side. I need to formulate my thoughts after completing something to full let it go.”

My basic though process is getting pretty ridiculous. I’ve been thinking about doing shorter “in the moment” videos about my thoughts on the game I just played through but usually stuff comes up and I still suck at really getting my point across.

Also my HD Capturing device only supports Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 which kinda sucks since I wanted to record some older stuff too.

“oh wait my computer already has a standard video capturing device! Shit I don’t have a TV with input and output, guess I need to buy some splitter cables. wait a minute I don’t have a TV, just a PC monitor that uses HDMI!!!! fuck maybe i’ll buy a HDMI to Composite and Component”

So much shit I want to do but but feels like no time to do it in.

So I just finished Steins;GateI think Frank West said it best....

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 10:49:48 -0400

So I just finished Steins;Gate

I think Frank West said it best. FANTASTIC
It really is a fantastic anime! It’s been a while since an anime has hooked me but damn did this one get me.

I’ll admit it, the first.. i think two? Episodes we’re kinda slow but shit… GREEN JELLO

Basically the story is about a self proclaimed “Mad Scientist” and his lab members trying to get a time up and running, while learning how time works. It’s really neat.
Later in the story a certain event requires the main character to jump between parallel universes and changing events which takes it in a really weird direction.

I had no questions by the end.
Music is good. voice acting in both versions is great.
Characters are all pretty awesome. Some really sad moments.
A main character that doubts himself on a psychological level.

The only thing that I would really consider a dislike is that Funimation, (once again) loves not releasing complete collection right away. So we have Volume 1 which is 12 episodes long and a Blu Ray/DVD combo but it’s like $40… It pains me to do so but I’ll just wait for the complete collection.

Ultimately in the end Steins;Gate was a really interesting well done anime, definitely worth checking out if you like deeper stories!

ilkyra: It’s Sasuke in 3D!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!...

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 06:40:55 -0400

ilkyra:

It’s Sasuke in 3D!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!! I wish T.T

AKA: Noctis from final fantasy xiii versus. Credit to http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&forumpath=community%2Fprojects§ion=&global=1&q=naruto+final+fantasy+xiii+versus#/d3kld2l

Blog 14: Why?

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 09:01:24 -0400

Why is it that my Father and Brother lack motivation and live the way they do?!

My Brother shows little sign that he thinks about life at all. All he does is sit around the computer or TV with food and complaining about stuff. Doesn’t help clean very often and just is generally always in a bad mood. Come on, you’re 25 get shit together before you can’t!

And my Dad.. He doesn’t take care of things when he should be.
His teeth are all almost gone and always says “One of these days I’ll call up the dentist and get an appointment set up”. But of course, this has been happening since I was a young one. On top of that he’s been disabled due to knee injury nearing almost ten years now.

I don’t full understand the situation but basically he’s not allowed to work until they do his knee replacement surgery when he turns fifty five.. at least that’s what he’s been saying this whole time. Recently they told him they could do it whenever but he’s gonna wait a little longer, though he still tells everyone “Fuckin damn government won’t let me work til this surgery, then they’ll never stop me from working til i drop dead!”.

It’s unfortunate and painful but the way he lives, he won’t be around when I’m old like everyone wants their parent to be.

I really just want these guys to step up.
I did, it should be their turn.

Blog 13: Because someone has to

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 09:48:27 -0400

I’m always hearing from my Dad
“if your brother doesn’t start helping out around the house or get a job soon, he can go live with your mother”.
But in reality. He doesn’t do much besides pay the bills unfortunately.

I’m getting tired of coming home to a dirty house with dishes everywhere.
Cat vomit and food all over the place.
Living room still not organized or cleaned.
Trash that’s overflowing.
Their soda cans and bottles bag over flowing.
Their laundry thrown on the bathroom floor, turning into piles.
(The washer is a foot outside of the bathroom…)

Now I was thinking maybe it’s just my ego kicking in to play and feeling superior, but no. This is pure disgusting! You can’t tell them to do shit because they will not do it.

My Dad will do them days after I ask. We both ask my Brother to do the laundry and dishes but of course he uses the excuse
“Dad doesn’t like the way i do them”.

Come the fuck on people
You’ve been hyping up the moment when we’re all adults and working since I’ve been ten and now that it’s here, you’re too lazy and lacking common sense to do anything?

”We’ll live like kings”

Blog 12: Surrounding

Fri, 31 Aug 2012 13:22:00 -0400

Work has started to look about right again, but some of this family bullshit is starting to take it’s tole.

The brother isn’t paying what he should be out of his paycheck, where as that’s my first spend on a new check, goes straight to my father. Don’t understand why paying what I pay is so troubling since I’m getting paid LESS than him.
He was saying today that since he doesn’t have an official ID, just a sheriff ID, he can’t withdraw money right away. I’m not sure about that since I use a different bank but I’ve never had to show my ID there.

Then my father gets into this mode where he’ll try to get a rise out of the my brother and since my brother has low to no common sense, he’ll argue back! Which of course causes my father to pull out the ole’ “I pay for you, don’t use an attitude with me!”. It’s like don’t start shit then, be the bigger person, he’s your son!

I don’t really know what to do since they show no signs of changing.
Just have to deal with it or walk away when shit starts, no point in me contributing anything when they’re both blind.

Reactions after watching the 4Kids version:

Wed, 29 Aug 2012 02:17:22 -0400

time-for-nerds:

Blog 11:Breakdown

Sun, 26 Aug 2012 06:49:53 -0400

Just got off my last “normal” shift before I’m moved over into night cashier, fuck.

It’s always one these deciding moments that cause me to freak out.
First I get upset, then I get afraid. And like I did with my GED, i try to
work up enough strength to move forward towards a minor advancement.

So many things being mixed around mentally this week.
One friend keeps telling me I should get out of there and find a more comfortable job. Another tells me to just ask the union and management
if i can stay in my current role. Parents are saying to give it a try, it’s another skill set.

Personally, I know I need to give it a month at the very least. It’s one of my life goals I guess you could say, to have as many skills as possible before I die.

I could understand if this was just a simple task and I was confidently trained but, i just feel like I’m not ready yet. My trainer gave me a lot of knowledge on how to deal with things but didn’t really give me any experience, which wasn’t right because she was supposed to test me on it.
Well at least that’s what she told me going into it.

In reality I know i’ll be fine since there’s many possibilities always running through my weak being, but letting myself and other people down is one of my biggest fears.

I don’t know what will happen tonight but all I can hope is I don’t mess up to badly and I can relax on my two days off starting tomorrow.

Blog 10: Nerves

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 22:22:02 -0400

Not sure how i should really be feeling about this but ultimately, I’m nervous.

I started my job as a night stock member, but they’ve always mentioned “hey do you wanna be a night cashier or in bakery?” and I’ve always told them, I’m content where I am, maybe in the future. Well that didn’t stop them.

It all goes back to probably three weeks ago when the night boss told me I wasn’t cutting it and said I’d be probably be transferred over to night cashier or bakery, without giving me many details of course. I soon found out by talking to the assistant that I was doing perfectly fine, he was surprised that the night boss would even say something like that.

Well, the other night I go in to clock into my shift and the day manager is in there. I greet him like normally and he mentions something.

“So Ryan, I guess we’re gonna be training you on register pretty soon?”

Uh.. am i?

“Yup our night cashier quit before you started and the day staff doesn’t like taking the night shift so we need a full night time cashier.”

Oh. How long am I going to be doing this for, temporary or until someone gets hired?

“It’s looking like you’ll be working between stock and register so you’ll keep your old job, just have more skills for the store. We’re cross-training everyone.”

Alright sounds like a plan.

But what the fuck.. I didn’t sign up for register, man! I wanted the job where I’m actually active and not farting around up front while standing around waiting for the few customers that we get at night.

I go in the other night and an hour into my shift one of the upper people find me and tell me it’s time for training, out of nowhere. So we do this what seems fairly complicated basic introduction to register training over the course of an hour and I’m still pretty lost. We finish and she tells me to get ready for Thursday where I’ll get the rest of my training.

I’m fucking nervous. It’s even effected my sleep which hasn’t happened in a long time! My mind can’t get off the topic of messing up and just failing myself and the store.. It’s a horrible feeling.

So I prepare for what may be my last week at the store

eauseren: Shut up, or I’ll kill you (by ShichiSeconds) Pretty...

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 08:53:33 -0400

eauseren:

Shut up, or I’ll kill you (by ShichiSeconds)

Pretty awesome seeing my stuff reblogged!

Day 13: Favorite tearjerker scene in One Piece Can’t choose...

Sun, 19 Aug 2012 07:05:02 -0400

Day 13: Favorite tearjerker scene in One Piece
Can’t choose just one, there are a lot of strong emotional moments

Agree’d!

Blog 9: Disappointment

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 08:15:00 -0400

So I’ve been at work for about a month now and what I thought was great, is about to be fucked.

So I show up to work pretty normal. Just trying to get the week by fast.
I know it’s a “line and level” type night so I head over to my handicap coworker and ask if I’m starting with him, he says yup just get the lower stuff since he can’t bend with his leg brace. It’s cool, we’ve been doing that for a couple weeks now.

Anyways, I’m taking the lower stuff while he manages the mid and tops for a couple aisles and of course, he vanishes to the break room. I start doing top, mid and bottom since he’s no longer with me. My night boss shows up and starts doing the bottoms for a couple aisles and says to just worry about the mids/tops.

I finish an aisle or two and then my boss comes up to me.

“Hey, the upper-management wanted me to see if you want to switch over to bakery or be a cashier?”

Hmm, well I kind of like doing this right now but maybe eventually.

“Well that’s the reason I’m bringing it up. You’re not really cutting it on night stock.”

Oh.. am I going too slow? Or not lining stuff right?

“It’s your speed.”

Oh. I thought we were supposed to take our time and make sure everything is lined up properly, labels up front and such.

“No, it’s more of a we gotta get this done fast.”

Can I get another chance or what?

“Well, the night manager said something about doing another 30 days or something but I’m not really sure”

I’ll hurry up.

Now the complete conversation is a little blurry because when I get angry I get sad and kind of zone out. But the general “u slow, we move you” was brought to me pretty obvious.

I feel betrayed. He never said we have to be finished before our shifts are done or anything. Just threw me into it with a general idea of how to work it. And to top things off, this could have all been avoided had the twat told me to speed things up in the 20 something days I’ve been there.

Working through my emotions though I went into my aggressive “I’ll show these fuckers” state and blew through aisles 1-6 in a few hours. Got done probably two or three hours before I got off work. These are also known as “Backstock” nights because that’s what we do after leveling.

So for the last couple hours I pretty much just blew through the tasks he gave me like tacking the water from the front to a shelf or taking charcoal to the outside stand. And to top off the night, the asshole doesn’t say anything else about my status or anything.

I really don’t know what’s going to happen now but honestly, do I really want to work in the same store where this sociopath works?

I’m hoping to find out more tonight since I kick ass at stocking, at least I think I do… wait a minute. I finished stocking before these two other assholes the night before! Maybe they can just take me off of leveling nights.

Still knowing everything is fine, I’m saddened by my failure.

Blog 8: Effort

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 11:28:00 -0400

So, I’ve been handling most of the house chores for years now.
Loading/unloading dishes, cleaning the counters and loading the laundry, Basics.

It’s been my own little way of paying back my Father since I haven’t had a job until this year, it’s not much but I’m neat freak. He hasn’t thrown the duty on just me, he’ll tell my brother to load up the dishes if we’re going out somewhere or tell him to do some of the laundry.
(I keep my clothes in my room and handle all my stuff on my own)
(They throw all there dirty stuff next to the washer and wait til it piles up)

I understand they don’t really have anywhere to go and it’s easier to just keep wearing the same clothes but seriously, it’s not healthy and it’s just pure laziness!

It’s things like this

Blog 7: Tired

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 21:34:00 -0400

Going into my third week of work, mental strain starting to kick in.

I work nights. Usually 11P - 7A which is pretty nice since those hours are my usual preference. I’m adapting to it pretty fast.. at least I think I am.
It’s hard to gauge it since most of my co-workers are 40yr+ and are always taking breaks or taking their time doing their work. The other two or three are around my age and are pretty fast as they should be.

The only complaint I really have so far is my boss.. the dude is a sociopath! Not sure if really but, the guy never changes his facial expression. He sometimes will make a joke but for the most part he’s very quiet and efficient, helpful if I have any questions.

But every once in a while I’ll see him come over and correct whatever I was doing minutes ago, like I’ll be organizing the shelves and he’ll tweak a couple things behind me without saying anything. I don’t really wanna ask him straight up if I’m doing anything wrong but it’d really be nice if he could comment on it or something.

Getting to the title of this post.
My Birthday was last week and I kind of screwed up my sleep schedule quite a bit. Normally I wake up around 8PM and ready myself til it’s time, get home around 7AM and unwind until noonish. Currently? I got home the other morning around 6AM but went to sleep immediately! This caused me to wake up around the time I normally go to sleep throwing everything off.

I’m horrible at going to sleep without having at least 12+ hours of being awake, so I lay here from 2 - 9 trying to sleep, only getting about an hour at most. This sucks.

So I finished MadokaAnd it was pretty good!I’ve been...

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 10:47:00 -0400

So I finished Madoka

And it was pretty good!
I’ve been seeing it around probably for a year now? Somewhere around there.
But anyways it’s a pretty popular 12 episode anime that isn’t what it appears…

On the outside I too thought it was just an average moe magical girl Anime but it’s actually a darker toned almost psychological drama like Umineko or Evangelion.

The concept is pretty cool: If you’re able to see a certain character you are able to make any wish despite how hardcore the wish. However, you will become a Magical Girl and live a self sacrificial life. The job of a Magical Girl? Exterminate the evil witches whom are killing humans and getting stronger.

Killing a witch will give you an item that heals a Magical Girl’s magic which plays an important part. It’s pretty cool stuff and the thing I liked was depending on the wish you make, you’ll have a different affinity. Example: A character uses the wish to heal someone and they have heightened regeneration. I like dat.

Each of the Magical Girls all have difficult obstacles to overcome as the show progresses and it’s cool to see how a miracle can actually have a negative effect on someone.

There are a couple things I thought were nubkin like Madoka crying every episode but it can’t be perfect!

Definitely worth a checkout! It’s only 12 episodes so what’s the harm?

Blog 6: Change

Thu, 05 Jul 2012 00:00:00 -0400

Feeling pretty good

Wake up to my Mom giving me and early birthday present, a cell phone! She knew I’d need one and that i’d feel safer with one. Fantastic gift!

Also received some new clothes for my orientation which is pretty nice, probably getting some more with my first paycheck if things go swell. I get to the store around 1:30PM, right on time. ;)

I go up to customer service and tell the guy I’m here for the orientation and he calls up the manger. A couple minutes later Ms Manager shows up and gives me a little run down on what’s in store for the day while copying my IDs.
We had to the back room.

As she gets the PC set up where I’ll be filling out paper work, I’m studying this booklet that is a brief introduction to the store and how they function.
“Take the wheel” She says as I sit down.. lolwut

Takes me probably twenty minutes -_- I hate paperwork since I’m not used to it. The other two newbies show up and wait for me to finish up so they can progress, I go back to reviewing the booklet.

As we all finish we head over to a bigger room with a large table
“Take a seat” Three chairs next to each other, the left one is taken and I’m not into sandwiches so I choose the right one which forces my fellow male to be in between me and the lady newbie, thanks dood.

Ms Manager gives us the run down.
We’re going to be watching about an hour of DVDs while taking a quiz that from what I understand is just going into our file and not being looked at again. We finish and move onto the handbook where we’ll go over several of the key policies and ask questions.

It wasn’t too bad but then came the paperwork.. again. it wasn’t that bad but there was like thirty pages and we were going at a faster pace.
I don’t know why but it seemed like we were skipping over a lot of the things we would have to check, date or fill in. We’d basically “skip this page, right your initials, flip the page, write signature, skip two pages, put date, etc”.

So after we fill out the paper work we’re asked shirt size as we’re getting our first uniform shirt! I think me and the guy older than me felt massive compared to the two little mediums, jaja it’s kk though I like being big.
We then receive our name tags, Ms Manager is telling us about the tour we are getting ready for as we pack up. The other manager who has known my Dad for a YEARS asks if I want to be put on this weeks schedule…
What the hell, why not! So I’m given my first hours which happens to be the next two days, 10PM - 6AM! Pretty ballsy move on my part but I figured if I’m gonna push myself why not give a good impression.

We then head out on our tour and meet the other manager but unfortunately due to the insanely loud noise surrounding us I barely make out what the manager says, we all take turns shaking his hand. Off to the compactors and brief and random instructions on how to operate them.. why does the newbie cashier and newbie pharmacist need to know about this???

Since we’re in the back which is considered my territory as I’m stocker,
Ms Manager tells me about the general area and such. We then head off to the deli where the older newbie will be functioning, it was pretty cramped there.
Off to the pharmacy where male newbie is told they’ll be revisiting after the tour. Over to the bakery which is a pretty interesting area in my opinion but none of us are going to be stationed there so this where the tour ends.

Ms Manager wishes us luck as we separate for the day. I head out to the door area that leads to the parking lot and give my Mom a call letting her know I’m done with my stuff, she ends up coming out of the store behind me as the brother and her were shopping. We then head home.

Not too bad but I fear I may messed up on the paper work, hopefully they’re isn’t any future problem regarding that. Guess i’ll be putting in my first job experience tomorrow. Let’s not fail ourself, eh?

Who was the the female who called my name while waving?
Was the female newbie who I thought it was?
Will this be a positive experience?

Blog 5: Fear

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 19:26:29 -0400

I almost forgot the feeling of failing.

The more I think about it, I’m pretty sure the thought of failing is my main psychological downfall. It’s always been like this but since I rarely try to change myself I guess I forgot about it.

I’ve been on a roll lately. Getting some driving experience while readying myself for this job orientation, good stuff. It truly is, however. I’m really not into the uneasiness stomach that follows.
The sad part about the job, I know the second I get there i’ll get into my zone and probably blow through the day. I know it’s no big deal if I screw up this opportunity but it’s my life and if I screw up, it’s a loss to me. The more I grow up the more I’m starting to think I’ll always be this way..

Do adults feel this way or do they actually improve like I was expecting?

Blog 4: Sign of progression

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 03:09:29 -0400

What happens when I push out of my normality

Starting off first, took the permit out for some driving experience a couple times this week. I love the idea of driving and am getting better at it but today I really felt like I was degrading, not the best feeling.

Also this week, had my first job interview. The nervousness was a bit much but pushing myself made it fairly easy. Plus, it flew by! I think and hope I did alright.. I’m not the best at making eye contact but I feel I pulled it off fine.
I think it being two interviewers made it easier as well.

And the best news… .

I received a call back!
I have to go in Thursday for orientation and paperwork so hopefully it’s a sure thing.

We also went out on a three hour walk yesterday, it’s been a while since I’ve felt that drained.

Pretty interesting week.

So I just watched American PsychoUh.. definitely interesting....

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 02:50:00 -0400

So I just watched American Psycho

Uh.. definitely interesting. I’ve never really heard anything about it aside from the chainsaw stairs scene. At the request of someone awesome I found my movie for the night!

The main character is pretty interesting but it just felt a strangely paced.
I felt like the intro was a bit long even though it’s explaining his character and then the amazing happens… HE BECOMES A PSYCHO

I guess there’s a second one, might have to throw it into my Netflix queue!